As we approach Neurodiversity Celebration Week, I think it’s important to share stories and experiences to drive awareness. I am currently on the waiting list for an assessment for ADHD, and despite more awareness around neurodivergent conditions over the last few years, I still have to take a deep breath before sharing that openly. Unfortunately, there is still a stigma attached to neurodiversity, much like where we were with mental health 10 years ago when people were less willing to share their stories. It becomes difficult to open-up in fear of people making uneducated presumptions about you or your abilities.
I am part of the DE&I and Wellbeing team at Gowling WLG and my life over the last few years has centred around neurodiversity. It began during lockdown as we started the process of getting my daughter diagnosed with autism and then trying to raise awareness around neurodivergent conditions in my day job. At no point did I think that I was neurodivergent, that is until I ran a session for our HR team to raise awareness and was deep diving into research on various conditions. As I researched ADHD, a lot of the traits resonated with me. The more I read and watched, the more it felt like my life was starting to make sense. It was like being given the key to a code I’d been struggling with in the background my whole life.
I’ve always been an overachiever and have worked so hard over the course of my life to be successful in my career. Part of this drive came from having my eldest son when I was 20, so having responsibilities and wanting to provide for him gave me the motivation to succeed. But as I look back now with the benefit of hindsight, I can see the signs of ADHD throughout my whole life and particularly in terms of work.
One of the main ways my ADHD presents itself at work is with focus and concentration. Having kept a journal for years, I’ve come to find that when I read back through it, most of the references to work centre around “why do I struggle to get motivated?” and “why can’t I get started on things?”, along with a huge amount of negative self-talk about this. I’d focus on the times when I struggled, rather than the amount I was delivering on and understanding what helped me deliver. This left me with years of feeling like I wasn’t good enough, or I was letting myself and others down, and if I could just be “better” I could achieve so much more.
The external view from colleagues was that I was delivering and performing well, but this didn’t correlate with what I was feeling internally. On the surface, I felt like a calm swan, but on the inside, I was frantically paddling under the water to manage my ADHD traits and feelings. I think for many people with undiagnosed neurodivergence, this negative inner voice is always there and it’s only when you start to recognise the traits of ADHD that you can begin to separate yourself from it.
Over the last year I’ve been much more aware of this negative self-talk and more mindful of the things that help me focus and concentrate. I’ve learnt that my intrinsic motivations are things that interest me, my ability to be creative and meeting tight deadlines. When things fall into these categories focus and concentration comes easily. Things that fall outside of this are still an integral part of my job, but they require strategic planning to make it easier for me to deliver.
I’ve taken control of certain aspects while seeking support for others. For instance, I can control my distractions through music – Taylor Swift is my work companion most days and with her playing in the background I’m able to accomplish so much more than sitting in silence at home or being distracted by a conversation in the office. I also have an inherent competitiveness, which means I often challenge myself, like how much of X can I complete in the next 30-60 minutes.
I know that afternoon appointments in my diary negatively impact my ability to get started on things, so I try and ensure meetings are blocked together, or in the morning. I have a habit of going into ‘waiting mode’ if there is an afternoon meeting, but I can avoid activating waiting mode by setting clear tasks to stay focused. I also plan my days in the office around the type of work I need to do, so if I need to write something and really concentrate, I’ll do that from home. However, if I’m in the office, I’ll try and collaborate with others with in-person meetings and work on those smaller tasks that I can manage around interruptions. I also make a habit of writing down my tasks on paper or by emailing myself things I remember at odd times of the day (or night!).
In combination, these things have helped, but I felt like I needed more support and a deeper understanding of what other tools or methods could help me. I therefore needed to ask for help at work. Despite knowing the HR Advisory team well, this was a daunting thing to do. That moment of asking to speak to someone and seek help creates a moment of extreme vulnerability. I eased myself into this by first speaking to my manager. She was new to the firm, so again quite scary to open up and be honest, but nevertheless important to do from the start. She was fantastic, asking all the right questions and expressing a clear commitment to support me however she could. We continue to have open conversations around anything that comes up and she has become an amazing sense check. She helps me navigate whether my reactions and thoughts are valid or if they might be influenced by some of the more emotional traits associated with ADHD such as a strong sense of justice and emotional dysregulation.
As I mentioned above, I wanted to explore other avenues of support, so I spoke to our HR business partner to understand what was available. This was such a helpful conversation that led to a couple of things. I was referred to Lexxic for a workplace assessment specific to neurodiversity, which concluded with a report of adjustments that could be made to support me in the workplace. This included things like IT software changes, having a set desk and an offer of some ADHD specific coaching sessions.
The other part – which in my opinion has been the absolute gamechanger – was a new chair for working at home. One of the issues I have is around energy and activity. When I’m in the office, I’m constantly moving by going to meetings and engaging in conversations with colleagues etc. However, when I am working from home, I’m sat at my desk all day. Aside from the occasional coffee break, it’s become a more sedentary existence. This means I have a lot of pent-up energy with no outlet and so I ended up losing focus more frequently and struggling to concentrate. As a solution, the firm provided me with a chair that allows me to sit in different positions and move around freely at my desk. This small change alone has made such a positive impact. The chair allows me to sit with crossed legs for tasks that need my undivided attention, elevate my knees during Zoom or Teams calls, essentially enabling me to adapt positions, calming my mind’s need for movement and allowing me to get the job done.
I should be clear that nothing has stopped the traits of ADHD that I experience, but speaking to my manager and the HR Advisory Team has helped me put steps in place to mitigate the negative effects and harness the positive aspects of these traits. If I have a day of hyper-focus, I take advantage and keep working as long as the focus lasts, but then I may ease up another day that week. If I have trouble concentrating on that big piece of work that needs me to really think, then I am kind to myself and take a break and revisit the task when I’m better positioned to tackle it. Luckily, I am fantastic in handling crisis situations and short deadlines, allowing me to excel by becoming hyper focused on and efficiently handling the task. The best thing I did for me, my sanity and my career was asking for help. I would recommend that anyone who is struggling or isn’t sure how to move forward, to talk to their line manager or get in touch with their HR team for guidance. I would be in a very different place had I not spoken up and asked for support.
More and more people are being diagnosed with neurodivergent conditions, emphasising the need to educate ourselves on the best ways to harness this talent. Many people like me are also on long waiting lists for diagnosis, adding to the already existing mental stress, so it’s crucial to ensure that in this time of uncertainty, we are putting support in place for these individuals. I’m really proud of how far we have come as a firm over the last year, but there is still more to be done and more stories to be told, contributing to a journey of understanding and inclusivity.
Quote from Sally Glarvey:
“I was heartened by Em’s decision to confide in me and share her worries initially. This demonstrates our desire to have an open and honest communication at Gowling WLG. I was also impressed by her growing confidence to discuss her journey with ADHD diagnosis. It takes courage to open up about personal experiences and I am impressed by her determination. It is so important to bring awareness to neurodiversity and strive for a more inclusive and understanding environment for everyone. Em demonstrates all the right qualities of hard work and resilience and am proud to have her as a member of the team. ”
